#39 ~ I dropped him in a sea of knowing...

The Real

When I think about writing, I think that sometimes I try too hard. That when I put words to paper - or otherwise words to the computer, that I'm pushing toward something that I shouldn't push on. Maybe it's a bit too over zealous or a bit too over the top.

Looking back on prior works, those bits of poetry, prose and stories, I was in a spot that was overly emotional, tending to lean toward the more 'pity me' parts then anything. Some - although erotic in writ, spoke to me of nothing more than a woman crying on her pillow each night. Years later, those words still seem a bit strained, but they're just words aren't they?

I dropped him in a sea of knowing

Allowing him to gasp for air…

He struggled within my waves, drowning

In my knowledge that he couldn’t see

Nor hear, taste…

His mouth filling with tears as I watched the waves take him

Further from me, never letting

His legs, struggling to keep him afloat

Pumped like pistons only to be caught

As I dived in and held on,

Dragging him further underneath

Not letting him know

That I knew…

2007 (S.O.A.)

#27 ~ Scribble

The Real
They say the stars and planets are aligning. That right now is the luckiest of chances. To whom will those lucks of nature come to? Will they come to those that pray for deliverance, or those that wish upon falling stars? What if ones don't believe in such fairytales?

I wish I could believe in fairytales. I do remember a time when I did. But it was so long ago, now I wonder if the stories are just figments of my imagination. Images and words in the shallow creases of my mind. They are there...hidden.

Can I find them?

#23 ~ He is the grand optimist..I am the world's poor pessimist

The Real
Everyday it's a new day. Each morning, I have to get up and start fresh. Although it seems dull and mediocre, it's something I have to do everyday in order to get through. I wake up. I read. I drink my coffee. I study. I job search. I play a little. Rinse and repeat until it's time to go to bed.

Words are little and barely said except for those in world or across the screen via a chat.

This is my world.

The Paradise
We are picking up! Two new PROs are started. An herb shop and jack of all trades place with it's own helicopter. Of course it's got a bit illegal going on, but it's bound to have some great stories coming out of it.

The Fashion
I do enjoy going to the Cupcake Sim where a lot of my favorite stores are, such as Milk Motion, The Secret Store, and Tee*fy. The cobblestones make for a great catwalk.

Skin: -tres blah- Gatcha Skin: Date Night (Season's Gatcha - Winter)

Shape: My Own

Make-Up: Grixdale - Body Shoppe - Seafoam

Make-Up: PIDIDDLE Cosmetics - Pearly Whites

Make-Up: Cheap Makeup - Miss Priss Lipgloss 1 (clear)

Hair: Analog Dog - Washu - Spice (Christmas Gift)

Eyes: REDGRAVE - Rihanna - Multicolor

Eyelashes: Mynerva

Jacket: Tee*fy Long Loose Belt Dust Pink (FLF)

Top: R.icielli - GEORGIA body/nude (part of)

Skirt: Chain and Vine - Suede Mini - Curvy - Blue *MESH* (Group Gift) 

Stockings: jOLIE! Edenish floral stockings

Boots: {mon tissu} Heathrow Boots *MESH*

Necklace: [ glow ] studio - Tripple Chain (silver chirstmass) (TDR)

Brooch: undefined lillies - tackered owl (silver/purple) (Group Gift)

Ring: PIDIDDLE - Gawdy RIng - Lost at Sea Sp. Edition (Group Gift)

Bag: Tee*fy Full Leather Holdall Bag Unisex (FLF)

Pose: Magnificant Poses

Location: Cupcake Sim

Listening: City and Colour "Grand Optimist"

#17 ~ KISS...

The Real
Now I can sit here and feel sorry for myself and be like...blah blah blah..or I can actually do something about it. So the idea is for me to do something about my life.
But really...where are you to start?

If I knew where the starting line was, I think I could do this.

I am procrastinating on my dream.

The Paradise
We've been one week in now. So it's been going slow. And I get that. It's hard for people, especially in the roleplay community to leave areas that they are comfortable in, even if they sit there and complain that they are bored and that they want a new place to rp in.

So, you start and idea, and you bring it to life. People are excited. Your groups are filling up. Opening day arrives...and you have five dedicated people rping on the sim! Great! But where are the rest...you can only last for so long with those five..or ten. You need more in order to thrive and survive.

In Second Life, especially in the roleplay community, sims come and go every other month. Those that do make it, make it because they push the envelope and they have people there that can be online all the time running. I worry on our sim. We don't have that. We have five of us that can only do so much and we're all on at different times.

I do believe we have a good niche. We have a great story that Paradise Lost has and once people can get their groove on and actually start to write, they'll see how much they'll love the way it flows. The rules are simply, not constrictive. It's one thing we take pride on, the simple things. KISS. Too many rules kill a sim. Drama kills a sim. Lack of encouragement kills a sim.

You start somewhere.

#14 ~ She only comes out at night...

The Real
A while ago - that is, a few years back, I used to write a lot. When I would write, it would be mostly poetry. Maybe a few words of prose, a couple short stories, and now and then a keepsake of memories laid out on a notebook to which words would tumble out in such a way that they would sound like whimsical music to the ears.

Even now, those words tremble like tiny notes in the breeze.

Then I stopped writing.

I'm not sure why I did. But when I stopped, I had no outlet. For a while I couldn't decide what to do with myself. Then while I was thinking and doing my own thing I came upon role-playing in Second Life. Within role-playing I was able to story tell. I was able to capture a story and tell it through my eyes.

But it also went beyond. I could create a character.

Those characters...could be anyone...and because they could be anyone, it allowed me to be open with myself and do things that would be unspeakable. To get down and dirty: sex, drugs, and rock & roll. That's what role-play is about - story telling. Whether you are doing it within a post apoc sim, a gorean sim, a steampunk sim, or a dirty urban city sim - it's story telling.

It keeps my fingers nimble and my mind creative.

The Paradise
We are moving along. Slowly but surely, Paradise Lost is gradually getting people and stories. It's taking it's time but we're getting people.

The Fashion
The Season's Gatcha - Winter has opened up. I themed some of my things around an idea of what someone in my sim would wear...a girl caught on her way back to the flophouse in the early morning after a night of work...

Skin: al vulo - frida *passion tan *Group Gift*

Shape: My own

Make-Up: [mock] Darkened  Mood Garnets Makeover

Hair: Tiny Bird - Love You More - Deep Warm Black (FLF)

Eyes: .ID. December Group Gift / Brown

Eyelashes: Mynerva

Shirt: Lark - Enten Shirt - Pirouzeh (Seasons Gatcha Winter)

Skirt: R.icielli - ANTO II highwaisted skirt / cherry *Winter Hunt*

Shoes: Ingenue ::Abrial Boot:: French Vanilla (Seasons Gatcha Winter)

Earrings: [ glow ] studio - Huge pearl Drop earrings (russet silver) (Seasons Gatcha Winter)

Ring: PIDIDDLE - Gawdy Ring - Citrine (Seasons Gatcha Winter)

Bag: Tee*fy Mini Crossbody Bag (Used Leather Red) (Seasons Gatcha Winter)

Pose: GLITERRATI

Location: Cassava Island

Listening: Hall and Oates "Maneater"

#10 ~ Seas

For an instance

To be drowned, alive

In your feverish wake

To feel the rolling of emotion

Crashing upon my feet, trail back

Leaving bits and flecks

Miniature cuts from your soul

For the moment

Walking into your waiting fathoms

To swallow your pride, heartache

To take comfort in the depths, pools

Of Neptune's flesh

Wanting forever to be

Part of fate

2007

s.o.a.

#9 ~ My world for a song...

The Real

I want to believe in fairy tales. I want to believe that there is something out there to make this world…a little bit better.

So where do we find it?

Do we latch on to delusions of things? Conjure up mysteries and mayhem to excite us? Fabricate a person to worship and rejoice in, and make others believe?

Tell me why you follow down the path you’ve chosen. Was it instilled in you when growing up? Did you find your belief, your faith, or your non-existent feelings on your own?

How do you decide if you’re going to be a good person, or a person who cares only for themselves?

I want to believe in fairy tales. To blind my eyes with dreams of niceties, and fellow man. To drink heartily from the cup of life and not let those that spout hatred and perform atrocities bother my soul.

But as an adult, I’m no longer allowed to believe in fairy tales. I’m no longer allowed to believe that peace will reign one day. That our Earth will stop weeping. That our children, and our future generations will see the good that we have sowed, instead of the bad.

If I am allowed to believe, and within, belief in myself, then I won’t worry about the persecution that may come from what I chose to follow.

I’m following a fairy tale.

The Paradise

We opened today. Good turn out. A little drama. "Oh I can't play here because so and so plays here and she's a whore." Uh...what? Hello? Kettle calling one black? We're all whores. Welcome to Second Life. Whore is an everyday word. Get used to it.

The Fashion

I've been reading a lot of J.D. Robb. Eve. Inspired.

Skin: :[Plastik]:-Aleria - Sandcastle-Flush (FLF)

Shape: My Own

Make-Up: R.icielli - Freckles 1

Hair: ::Exile:: Betty Lou - Midnight (Purple bow) (TDR)

Eyes: :[Plastik]:-Haunt Collection - Hera's Gold (FLF)

Jacket: .:A&M:. Punk Baby Outfit Leather Jacket

Shirt: -Tres Blah- C88 Graphic Tee - Leopard Cross (C88)

Pants: *Fishy Strawberry* Moto Pants Beige (Fashionably Late)

Shoes: [PM] Luna Leopard *MESH* (Group Gift)

Glasses: Alphavillain - Mathletics Sunglasses (large)

Earrings: [Aura] - Phosphorus - Club Hoops - Violet (Four Corners Event)

Parasol: The Sea Hole - Heron Parasol - Sunbeam

Gun: Titan Industries 92FS Beretta

Pose: GLITTERATI & Long Awkward Pose

Location: Sick

Listening: The Police "Murder By Numbers"

#5 ~ Bombs away...

The Real
Again I waited until the last moment to write. Not that I meant to, but it kind of just happened. Today was busy running around doing errands with my mom, getting ready for her and my dad's vacation, teaching my twenty year old brother to drive (yes...he's twenty..a late bloomer), and having to drive to campus to drop off things to the other brother, who doesn't have a car. I sometimes wonder if I'm just another "mom" in the making. Sister sure, but caregiver.

Tomorrow they leave for a week, which means that for a week, the youngest and I have the place to ourselves. Which means - no one to watch over my head. I kinda miss that. I miss living by myself. I've done it for so long, and finally when I moved back home, it felt so weird living with people again. Constantly having people walk in and out of my room at will. Looking over my shoulder. Questioning on what and why I do things. I had been so used to my own embodied closure that I am not used to the openness of having one snooping at my work. Especially on what I do at times. Even while I read.

It's annoying for sure.

I do wish they had a better craft beer selection down here. I'm craving.

The Paradise
Four more days.

Some things got set aside. Busy time on the forums, and we got some more applications. I had to laugh a little as I read some of them. Don't get me wrong - people are allowed their own devices and stories when roleplaying. This is THEIR fantasy. But it's a trip to read and see what some do think of. It makes you wonder why some get labeled as they do. It's all relative.

I still need to write up the Blue Lotus' background. Urgh.

The Fashion
SIMS!  Love finding a really nice sim and then...why do they always put a piece of silly prim in the middle of it to completely ruin the whole ambience?

Skin: *JeSyLiLO* ::XmasGift2011:: *PALE*BT
Shape: My own
Make-Up: None
Hair: [Shag] Voulez-Vous (Roots) - Butterscotch
Eyes: .ID. December Gift / Gray

Jacket: R.icielli - ALEXANDRA Leather Python Jacket - TDR
Tank-Top: *Fishy Strawberry* Lingerie - Incanto Red - Sheer - TDR
Pants: Maitreya - Leather Leggings - Oil (MESH)
Shoes: *G-Field* Flower Pumps "Eve" - Red

Gloves: Izzie's - Leather Gloves - Dark Grey
Ring: R.icielli - IRIS Skull Ring / Gold - TDR
Purse: ::Duh!:: Little Black Clutch (DIMH)

Pose: Olive Juice
Location: R.icielli Main Store
Listening: Imogen Heap "First Train Home"

#3 ~ Heading...

The Real
Studied. One job post. Headache.
Had a doctors appointment to remove the skin blemish that has been dogging me for a few weeks now, so no more pain and bleeding. Just going to have a scar to deal with now. I just feel so tired.

The Paradise
Arguments.

The Fashion
Why can I never find good sims to take pictures in?

Skin: .ILLUSORY. Skin Paige Warmth Group Gift

Shap: My own

Make-Up: [Misc. Inc.] I Love Liner - Lust 1

Make-Up: Cheap Makeup - Miss Priss Lipgloss 1 (clear)

Eyes: Poetic Colors - Summer Wheat 

Hair: [Shag] Falling Slowly (bangs) - Autumn (Seasons Hunt)

Eyelashes: Mynerva

Jacket: {SMS} Fur Shrug

Shirt: -paper.doll- Sydney Black dress (With Love Hunt)

Pants: =Zenith= 3/4 Black Leggings

Boots: [GOS] Curvaceous Boots

Necklace: [ glow ] studio - Crosses Necklace - Gold

Earrings: Osakki // Flat Disks - Copper

Bracelets: Osakki // HAMUR. MetalCuff Copper

Bag: .:vive9:. Evonne Fringed Bag in Brunt Orange (With Love Hunt)

Pose: Olive Juice

Location: Missing Mile - Soap

Listening: Tori Amos "Girl"

#2 ~ You don't know jack...

The Real
As the day begun, I could only think that my to do list was something I needed to start doing. The first being was to actually get up. Second, I was to actually get on the ball and do SOMETHING. It's strange being without work. Being without a job. I haven't been jobless for a very long time, and to be without one, especially for the type of person I am, gives me a feeling that my self worth isn't fulfilled.

Now I did have a job. But when I finally decided to go back to school (grad school that is) there was many things that I needed to do and one of those things was actually leaving the job I was currently at. I was going to be moving out of state, moving back in with the rents, de-cluttering my life, basically tossing my whole world into a massive upheaval of ...well a whirl wind.

So now I play the job hunting game.

I wish I could say that the feeling was easy, or at least - exciting, but in a way, it's not. It's nerve racking. You don't want to settle for less, but you're dismayed due to the extensive amount of qualifications 'needed' for a job. You must have this, or this much experience, or this much schooling. I know it's part of the reason why I'm going back to school. Even if I'm now eight months off my schedule. But, hey - it will save me $20,000. I will take it. Still, it's a bit heartbreaking, knowing you have so much knowledge sitting inside, and years of experience, yet there might be a few things you lack. Should that be tossed out? I'm not sure...

The Paradise
We are a week out from the grand opening of the sim. As Kris is finishing the build, the rest of us are putting on the finishing touches, well trying.

Working on a sim is not easy. It's a collaboration of people's ideas and thoughts. It's our dreams brought to fruition. Of course, we have our bumps and grinds, but what sim doesn't?

I've been itching to role-play for a little over two months now. Ever since Perdition closed, I haven't really been able to find a sim that has made me feel as comfortable to actually story-tell again, and because I now have this vision in my head of who my character is for Paradise Lost and Isa is ready to come out and play.

As for the next week: recruitment, building, NPC stories, more stories for the archives. I have to still write up the story for the Blue Lotus. We need a staff meeting. That will be done through Skype. All five of us are scattered throughout the world: me in Memphis, one in Canada, another on the west coast, one in England, and on in UAE. We are amazing.

The Fashion
It's a burning desire, but since the sim will open my shopping will have to slow...

Skin: :Plastik: Aleksandra - Ginger
Shape: My own
Make-Up: Cheap Makeup - Tableau Lashes *FREE Gift*
Make-Up: Cheap Makeup - Miss Priss Lipgloss 1 (clear)
Hair: ::Exile:: Veronique - Autumn/Fawn *Group Gift*
Eyes: Poetic Colors - Summer Wheat - Special Hunt Freebie
Tattoo: :Plastik: Feathers - worn

Sweater: [ SAKIDE ] Posh Winter White *With Love Hunt*
Skirt: [Aura] Bullet Proof - Ruffled Pencil Skirt - Skull - Small (MESH)
Boots: FIR & MNA The Orann Boots - Brown *Last FLF*
Bag: PRISS - Lang Suede Satchel - Dark Brown *Group Gift*

Pose: GLITTERATI
Location: Great Eagle
Listening: Alice in Chains " Man in the Box"