#47 ~ Starved

The Real
Feel like it's squeezing...

The Fashion

Skin: .ploom. - Lea - Milk (LB) *PROMO*

Shape: My own

Make-Up: Cheap Makeup - Tableau Lashes FREE

Make-Up: ::Plastic Flowers:: Black Eyeshadow

Make-Up: *Fishy* Kokeshi Eyes - Smokey Plum

Hair: Amacci Hair - Pythia ~ Lilac (Festival of Sin)

Eyes: :[Plastik]: Aleria Collection // Hypnotique - Grape

Eyelashes: Mynerva

Eyelashes: .ploom. Lashes 6

Dress: *Rezlpsa Loc* ~ Bubble Dress - Plum (Festival of Sin)

Shoes: *G Field* Bow Strap Shoes "Kate" - Plum (Group Gift)

Necklace: [ glow ] studio - Necklace Lune - Plum

Pose: The Muse

Location: Spirit

Listening: Silence

#39 ~ I dropped him in a sea of knowing...

The Real

When I think about writing, I think that sometimes I try too hard. That when I put words to paper - or otherwise words to the computer, that I'm pushing toward something that I shouldn't push on. Maybe it's a bit too over zealous or a bit too over the top.

Looking back on prior works, those bits of poetry, prose and stories, I was in a spot that was overly emotional, tending to lean toward the more 'pity me' parts then anything. Some - although erotic in writ, spoke to me of nothing more than a woman crying on her pillow each night. Years later, those words still seem a bit strained, but they're just words aren't they?

I dropped him in a sea of knowing

Allowing him to gasp for air…

He struggled within my waves, drowning

In my knowledge that he couldn’t see

Nor hear, taste…

His mouth filling with tears as I watched the waves take him

Further from me, never letting

His legs, struggling to keep him afloat

Pumped like pistons only to be caught

As I dived in and held on,

Dragging him further underneath

Not letting him know

That I knew…

2007 (S.O.A.)

#36 ~ Promise

The Real
A lot of time I procrastinate. I realize this isn't a good thing, and I know I shouldn't. That there are so many hours in the day. Days in the week. Weeks in the month, before the end in which deadlines will come and those days that happen and I need to focus with those deadlines...it's just at an end. But maybe one cannot come out of their procrastination. Maybe this is what and who they are. They are forever caught in this little bit of procrastination cycle that is bleating like forever baby sheep, wanting to grow out of it, but never really doing so.

You would think, for a woman who has done and did a few things, that this would be something that I could get by and move on from, but it's embedded into my psyche it seems. As much as I tell myself that I will change for the better and do this or that, I can't seem to pick up the motivation of that particular thing and push the procrastination effect away from me. I would hope that one day - I could just wake up and it would have left, leaving the front door open in its wake, but it's still lingering in the hallway, bags packed - almost like it's wanting me to beg for it to stay.

I wish I had the strength to yell and scream for it to go. Instead, I just walk back into my bedroom and close the door.

The Fashion

Skin: -tb- Gatcha Skin - Date Night (Season's Gatcha - Winter)

Shape: My own

Make-Up: Cheap Makeup - Tableau Lashes FREE

Make-Up: cheLLe (eyeliner) EyePop Blueberry

Hair: [Shag] - Your Wish - Eve (Project Themeory)

Eyes: :[Plastik]: Vae Collection - Senn

Eyelashes: .ploom. Lashes 6

Dress: [Aura] Balloon Dress - Leopard Blue - *Mesh* (Valentine Gatcha - Shopping Cart Disco)

Pants: (MIlk Motion) My Boyfriend Jeans (Old FLF)

Scarf: -paper.doll- Leopard - January Gift (old)

Shoes: R2 " Kanaloa Elua - Sky *Mesh* (Collabor88)

Pose: GLITTERATI

Location: Whisky a Go Go

Listening: Ciara "Promise" 

#25 ~ The Rebel's Woman...

The Paradise
Under the weighted boot of El Generale, those within Cassava need an ear and hope. They look to those who are young and strong. Ones that would stand up to the cruelty that the he has brought into the city and country, in hopes that they will have a chance to regain somewhat of their livelihood back.

They are The Uprising. A young group of individuals, locals of the isle striving for a purpose. Some are thieves, others hold respectable jobs, some are fathers, mothers - your sister...

The Fashion
Taken at the Rebel's base on Cassava Island, home of Paradise Lost Roleplay

Skin: - DAMNED - MHO1 Hunt Gift
Shape: My Own
Make-Up: [Misc. Inc.] I Love Liner - Diligence 1
Hair: "LoQ Hair" Cobbler - Hypnotic Red *Group Gift*
Eyes: :[Plastik]: - Aleria Collection/Seelie - Blu
Eyelashes: Mynerva
Tattoo: You + Me = Fuck

Top: [ SAKIDE ] Ribbed Tee-shirt Dress Wine
Tape: :[Plastik]: Bandaids <3 U-Darkest
Skirt: [ Cynful ] Poskskirt - 2012 Special Outfit
Stockings: *League* Side-Gartered Stockings - Bramble
Boots: drd lazyheel *Zombie Popcorn*
Bag: DECO - Slingback (Skulls) *MESH* (Group Gift)
Earrings: [Aura] Phosphorus - Club Hoops - Coral
Rings: PIDIDDLE - Gawdy Ring - Citrine (Season's Gatcha - Winter)

Pose: Olive Juice
Location: Cassava Island
Listening: Don Henley "Boys of Summer"

#22 ~ Flicker...

The Real
The position was giving away. Back to the drawing board. I really hate being without a job. To someone that has been working since she's been fourteen years old - not working is a little weird, and not satisfying. I will keep my fingers crossed and keep plugging.

The Paradise
I haven't been rping lately. It's mostly been managerial things of late. We're only two weeks in. Eventually I will rp. Until then...stay tuned. Stories to come.

The Fashion
SL Art...I tried back a bit ago with windlight settings a couple years ago with Dou, when I went to Bentham Hollow to fool around.

Again, I step back into Bentham for The Menagerie - Theme 1: Beautiful Losers

Was a flicker, light

Rushed fast and pressed

Wings seemed hurried, churned

Breasts were heavy

Arms did cradle, empty

Thoughts spastic

Ideas made, answered

Realism sets in

Hand over stomach, full

Early morning cocktail

Holding hands, tight

Juice and crackers ate

Tears soothed, late

Empty beds did make

Strained emotions, tossed

Memories all but lost

(2007)

Skin: al vulo! - chen *waterdriad *Group Gift*

Shape: My Own

Make-Up: Cheap Makeup - Babysitters Club Lashes

Make-Up: Kyoot Makeup - Cateye 1 (Winter 1)

Hair: ""D!va"" Hair "Diva" (Mercury) *Group Gift)

Eyes: :[Plastik]: Haunt Collection - Frost

Eyelashes: Mynerva

Dress: Kyoot - Pretty White Dress

Shoes: *G Field* Flower Pumps "Eve" White

Pose: K**Stand

Location: Betham Hollow

Listening: Tori Amos "Spark"

#21 ~ First train home...got to get on..

The Fashion
coldLogic is having a contest for those who have joined their subscribo group, which you can do so located: HERE. With it, you receive this Free Winter mesh dress that is a gift to you and a start to be showcasing what will be coming on February 1st, when they open their doors to the public.

For details on this contest you can read here.

*crosses her fingers!*
Avatar: Katya Valeska

Skin: Lara Hurley - Oksana (With Love Hunt)
Shape: My Own
Make-Up: ::Plastic Flowers:: Purple Smoke
Make-Up: Cheap Makeup - Latex Liner Dark Burgundy *Gift*
Hair: fri.day - Apple - Natural Ginger
Eyes: :[P]: Vae Collection - Ancient
Eyelashes: Mynerva

Dress: coldLogic - Free Winter - Ruby *Group Gift*
Shirt: fri.day - Basic.Turtleneck (Oatmeal)
Leggings: Kyoot - Hollander Leggings (Black)
Boots: [GOS] Aviator Boots - Amelia in Worn
Gloves: Izzie's - Leather Gloves - Black
Necklace: (Elate!) Silver Pocket Watch Necklace
Bag: tulip. Breakable (Gray) (Season's Gatcha - Winter)

Pose: Everglow
Location: Burley Village
Listening: Imogen Heap "First Train Home"

#19 ~ And you said goodbye..could you see my tears?

The Fashion 
When thinking of something for the upcoming color...I finally realized that I didn't want to follow just on the footsteps of what I thought others might just do. I have the Chain and Vine dress in my inventory. I do have the new coldLogic dress as well. Both group gifts that would fit perfect for this week's Color Challenge color of Iron on Luna's blog. But instead, I stepped away and dug down a bit deeper and pulled out something that I had only worn once and wanted to wear again. This shift dress from {So Many Styles}, just a store that I've always loved to go to.

Skin: [CIA] Sofia skin NATURAL - Red Lips - Freckles (With Love Hunt)

Shape: My own

Make-Up: RAW HOUSE::: Kill Count Tears

Hair: [Shag] Black Tie Affair - Starlight

Eyes: :[P]:-Aleria Collection/Hypnotique - Dream

Eyelashes: Mynerva

Dress: {SMS} Asy Tunic Grey

Socks: Maitreya Moxie Over-Knee Socks - Mocha

Shoes: [ SAKIDE ] Latex Rubber Pumps - Gold (Depraved Christmas Hunt)

Scarf: Zaara - Kashish Scarf (FLF)

Gloves: Izzie's - Leather Gloves - Rust

Bag: Maitreya Leather Satchel - Mustard *MESH* (FLF)

Earrings: .( bewildebeest ). Alma Earrings - Gold - Mozambique Garnet (Store Closing)

Pose: GLITTERATI

Location: Cupcake Sim

Listening: Madonna "Rain"

#13 The Learning Garden

The Real (circa 2007)

I've forever been a person, lost in the wonderment of my own childish ways. Gathered by the ever growing number of people that come into my life, I can only grasp so much from them the knowledge that they bestow.

With each bit, I cradle in my hands, like buds of spring flowers, ready to bloom for all to see. But mine seem to lay bare, naked without sun. They thirst for water, begging for a fulfillment that I may not reach.

I would be so careless to drop them, search out more that would bloom, or stuff them in my pockets for later use. I would love to scatter them and watch them flower, but for what? Knowledge that I may not use, or could not? I may not understand. I am a bit slow in a lot of things, my grasp of detail not precise and I cannot debate to save my life.

But then again, useless knowledge could come in handy. The ideas thrown around in my mind, bounce like rubber balls that we played with as children. Ideas that only I could probably understand, and would in turn try to make you understand. It would sound like garbled mess, but after my understanding, you would probably see a different me.

Every word that I listen to I take in. My mind can only take so much before it's been overloaded and processed. I would so merrily hop away, playing the lost girl forever in her garden, but to tend the garden, one needs to know how to keep it from growing wild. So with each brand new idea, I tend to the blooms, seeding the ground with the buds that I've been giving.

I have no green thumb.

Lost words tend to spring up and jumbled weeds take over most times. I work, pulling the uselessness from the ground, allowing the buds that have bloomed to breathe in. These I want to understand. These I want to learn from, the ones that blossom so fully for me. Take me for granted, this is how I try. This is not me playing the imbecile it's only me realizing that I cannot understand all. In actuality, are we suppose to know all?

Skin: MOJO - MARAIA - Group Gift *Christmas*

Shape: My Own

Make-Up: R.icielli - Freckles 1

Eyes: :[Plastik]:-Haunt Collection-Hera's Gold (FLF)
Hair: LekLuka - AWE hair "Marilyn" *Group Gift*

Shirt: The Sea Hole - Minna Blouse - Sunbeam (C88)

Skirt: The Sea Hole - Heron Skirt - Sunbeam (C88)

Boots: ~gateau~ drover boot - sandstone

Necklace: (Caroline's Jewelry) Owl Necklace

Pose: GLITTERATI

Location: Lula

Listening: Stevie Nicks "Witchy Woman"

#9 ~ My world for a song...

The Real

I want to believe in fairy tales. I want to believe that there is something out there to make this world…a little bit better.

So where do we find it?

Do we latch on to delusions of things? Conjure up mysteries and mayhem to excite us? Fabricate a person to worship and rejoice in, and make others believe?

Tell me why you follow down the path you’ve chosen. Was it instilled in you when growing up? Did you find your belief, your faith, or your non-existent feelings on your own?

How do you decide if you’re going to be a good person, or a person who cares only for themselves?

I want to believe in fairy tales. To blind my eyes with dreams of niceties, and fellow man. To drink heartily from the cup of life and not let those that spout hatred and perform atrocities bother my soul.

But as an adult, I’m no longer allowed to believe in fairy tales. I’m no longer allowed to believe that peace will reign one day. That our Earth will stop weeping. That our children, and our future generations will see the good that we have sowed, instead of the bad.

If I am allowed to believe, and within, belief in myself, then I won’t worry about the persecution that may come from what I chose to follow.

I’m following a fairy tale.

The Paradise

We opened today. Good turn out. A little drama. "Oh I can't play here because so and so plays here and she's a whore." Uh...what? Hello? Kettle calling one black? We're all whores. Welcome to Second Life. Whore is an everyday word. Get used to it.

The Fashion

I've been reading a lot of J.D. Robb. Eve. Inspired.

Skin: :[Plastik]:-Aleria - Sandcastle-Flush (FLF)

Shape: My Own

Make-Up: R.icielli - Freckles 1

Hair: ::Exile:: Betty Lou - Midnight (Purple bow) (TDR)

Eyes: :[Plastik]:-Haunt Collection - Hera's Gold (FLF)

Jacket: .:A&M:. Punk Baby Outfit Leather Jacket

Shirt: -Tres Blah- C88 Graphic Tee - Leopard Cross (C88)

Pants: *Fishy Strawberry* Moto Pants Beige (Fashionably Late)

Shoes: [PM] Luna Leopard *MESH* (Group Gift)

Glasses: Alphavillain - Mathletics Sunglasses (large)

Earrings: [Aura] - Phosphorus - Club Hoops - Violet (Four Corners Event)

Parasol: The Sea Hole - Heron Parasol - Sunbeam

Gun: Titan Industries 92FS Beretta

Pose: GLITTERATI & Long Awkward Pose

Location: Sick

Listening: The Police "Murder By Numbers"

#2 ~ You don't know jack...

The Real
As the day begun, I could only think that my to do list was something I needed to start doing. The first being was to actually get up. Second, I was to actually get on the ball and do SOMETHING. It's strange being without work. Being without a job. I haven't been jobless for a very long time, and to be without one, especially for the type of person I am, gives me a feeling that my self worth isn't fulfilled.

Now I did have a job. But when I finally decided to go back to school (grad school that is) there was many things that I needed to do and one of those things was actually leaving the job I was currently at. I was going to be moving out of state, moving back in with the rents, de-cluttering my life, basically tossing my whole world into a massive upheaval of ...well a whirl wind.

So now I play the job hunting game.

I wish I could say that the feeling was easy, or at least - exciting, but in a way, it's not. It's nerve racking. You don't want to settle for less, but you're dismayed due to the extensive amount of qualifications 'needed' for a job. You must have this, or this much experience, or this much schooling. I know it's part of the reason why I'm going back to school. Even if I'm now eight months off my schedule. But, hey - it will save me $20,000. I will take it. Still, it's a bit heartbreaking, knowing you have so much knowledge sitting inside, and years of experience, yet there might be a few things you lack. Should that be tossed out? I'm not sure...

The Paradise
We are a week out from the grand opening of the sim. As Kris is finishing the build, the rest of us are putting on the finishing touches, well trying.

Working on a sim is not easy. It's a collaboration of people's ideas and thoughts. It's our dreams brought to fruition. Of course, we have our bumps and grinds, but what sim doesn't?

I've been itching to role-play for a little over two months now. Ever since Perdition closed, I haven't really been able to find a sim that has made me feel as comfortable to actually story-tell again, and because I now have this vision in my head of who my character is for Paradise Lost and Isa is ready to come out and play.

As for the next week: recruitment, building, NPC stories, more stories for the archives. I have to still write up the story for the Blue Lotus. We need a staff meeting. That will be done through Skype. All five of us are scattered throughout the world: me in Memphis, one in Canada, another on the west coast, one in England, and on in UAE. We are amazing.

The Fashion
It's a burning desire, but since the sim will open my shopping will have to slow...

Skin: :Plastik: Aleksandra - Ginger
Shape: My own
Make-Up: Cheap Makeup - Tableau Lashes *FREE Gift*
Make-Up: Cheap Makeup - Miss Priss Lipgloss 1 (clear)
Hair: ::Exile:: Veronique - Autumn/Fawn *Group Gift*
Eyes: Poetic Colors - Summer Wheat - Special Hunt Freebie
Tattoo: :Plastik: Feathers - worn

Sweater: [ SAKIDE ] Posh Winter White *With Love Hunt*
Skirt: [Aura] Bullet Proof - Ruffled Pencil Skirt - Skull - Small (MESH)
Boots: FIR & MNA The Orann Boots - Brown *Last FLF*
Bag: PRISS - Lang Suede Satchel - Dark Brown *Group Gift*

Pose: GLITTERATI
Location: Great Eagle
Listening: Alice in Chains " Man in the Box"